As we all know, children are perceptive, they can sense change and unease around them and to varying degrees are affected. In the tri-state area (and elsewhere) there are some new shifts in regard to COVID policies and the impact this has on everyone’s life. Many schools are moving to more hybrid and in person learning, restaurants and other indoor facilities are opening and the world is yet again shifting. We wanted to use this post to discuss ways you can support your child in this shift. I don’t think last year any of us realized what we were necessarily embarking on. Many of us picked our kids up from school on March 13^th, 2020 and then literally did not bring them back for months. It was hard to know what to say to our kids, because so much of what was happening wasn’t known to us as well. A little over a year later, I’d like to think we all are a bit wiser.

For starters, prep your kids. There is no age too young for this, let them know about the changes that are coming with plenty of notice and discussion to the best of your ability. Some kids may be so ready to get back to school or seeing friends that this discussion will help with their excitement and managing that. Other kids may be nervous about it, this discussion can help them as well. As you explain to your child what’s happening (for example, school is going to 5 days a week, starting next week you will be there 5 mornings) leave space for as much or as little detail as your child requires. Some kids will have tons of questions (answer them!) and others will just want to know the surface. There is no right or wrong here but giving an outline and repeating that information often will help your child mentally prepare.

I would also advise to discuss masks. We have all been wearing masks for some time now but for the child who is just transitioning back to school in person this may be new. Explain why they are wearing them and that some people (outside of schools) may choose not to wear them. Role play and write social stories about what to do when you are uncomfortable (i.e.: someone isn’t wearing a mask and you don’t feel safe, or someone asks you to put a mask on and you aren’t comfortable). Again, this is all preparation. The more prepared your child can feel, the less anxiety (hopefully) they will experience. There also is the physical part of wearing a mask and wearing this mask for longer periods of time. Practice keeping one’s mask above your nose and that it is okay to ask for a breathing break if one doesn’t feel well after having the mask on for a while.

In these discussions, allow space for all the feelings. Kids may be confused, angry, not interested, the entire gamete of emotions around these changes. No one way of feeling is better or worse than the other. What we want our children to learn is that all feelings are allowed and normal. Even just checking in with how your child is feeling can help them develop these skills. For example, “how did it feel to eat snack outside with your friends today?”. Begin to show them what it means to reflect on their daily life and how beneficial that can be. For some kids just labeling their feelings can be challenging. This can be developmentally appropriate, or it may just be a hard skill set for them. There are a lot of great books that help identify different feelings. Here are some examples for preschoolers:

• In My Heart: A Book of Feelings by Jo Witek
• Grumpy Monkey by Suzanne Lang
• Ruby Finds a Worry by Tom Percival

Now that we have prepared, discussed and hopefully identified some feelings, the next step is to move on to coping strategies. And these can vary greatly. Taking a drink of water, a shower, going for a walk, just being outside, meditation/mindfulness, yoga, more physical exercise….these are all possible coping strategies for any stress or overwhelm your child (and you) may experience as the world shifts again. For most children more movement will help their body produce more of the coping neurochemicals that will ultimately help them during this transition period. Prioritize taking a walk, doing a yoga video (Bari Koral has great kids’ yoga and mindfulness videos) or even just hanging outside in a park, backyard, etc. All of these activities will help your child’s body produce what it needs to cope. Some kids will need more of this input and some will need less. There is also something to be said for “vegging” out after a long day. The important piece is to find that balance for your child and keep them in the conversation! Some examples of this look like:

– “How does your body feel today, do you think you need to chill on the couch or go for a walk?”

– When your child answers “good” to how they are feeling you can help them elaborate. “Good, how? Tired, cranky, bored, happy, relaxed, calm….which one of these describes you most right now?” 

– “Yesterday you asked to chill on the couch, but you seemed crankier in the evening. Let’s try some outside time first and see how that feels for our body.”

The important piece to keeping your child in these conversations (versus telling them what they need) is we want to teach them to also tune in to how their body is feeling. This is a foundational component to self-regulation. Now, if you think your child is just choosing tv or video games and not connecting to their body, you can point out your observations. “You said you want to play video games, but you seem more stressed out afterwards.” The younger you can start this the better!

Lastly, remember that there is likely to be a transition period. In that transition period you may see an increase in behaviors or just overall your child not seeming like themselves. This is perfectly normal, keep an eye on them, use the strategies above and as always reach out to us with any questions!

Written by Jessica Addeo

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